baby bump V.S spare-tire

I may not have a fashionable baby bump, but I do have a baby on the way.
I may not have had experienced morning sickness, but I do have a baby on the way.
I may not have felt a little life developing within me, but I do have a baby on the way.
I may not  have had braxton hicks, but I do have a baby on the way.
I may not have swollen ankles, but I do have a baby on the way.
My cervix is the same size
My Fallopian tubes are still blocked
My endometriosis still causes me pain
I am overweight because of crazy hormones from over four of fertility abuse, and from depression and intense grief.
BUT I DO HAVE A BABY ON THE WAY

Fertility update
These past 7 month I have been taking/ took the Lupron drug that forces my body into menopause. I never thought that I would be dealing with hot flashes at age 29/30. Aside from the weight gain, mood swings and hot flashes I have really enjoyed this time to recover emotionally from the fertility treatment roller-coaster.  My last Lupron shot was at the end of September, my period was suppose to resume in November now it is the end of  December and I still have not had a real period. I am starting to feel like I will be stuck in menopause, which might not be a bad thing. I wouldn't have to deal with painful periods and I could move on with my life. If and when I get my period we will do one more round of IUI supported with acupuncture. If that doesn't work then on to In-Vitro.
Good news we may have an ideal baby adoption to look forward too, cross your fingers. This maybe the end of our fertility journey. More and more the Lord is helping me understand that no one owns their children, they only have them on loan from Heavenly Father. So it doesn't matter how you receive the blessing of parenthood, be it conventional or unconventional.   I will however grieve over never having the earthly experience of being pregnant, only time and the Atonement will help heal this or maybe it will be a wound that is with me always to remind me of this trail to humility.
I feel so blessed to have gone through this trail. I pray that this will help me be a better parent and I pray that I will never take advantage of having one of God's children in my home.

So who has a blog that never gets updated...........ME. When I find more time I'll give the reader digest version of my summer and future plans.

Vegas/ 4th honeymoon

For our 4th year anniversary we went to Vegas.
Why Vegas? Warm temp. Cheap Hotels and we could drive in our fuel efficient car. Nice cheap get-a-way.

 The first 2 nights we stayed at the Treasure Island Hotel/Casino. It is rated as a 4 star hotel. The room was amazing. But the pool was small and crowed. We did enjoy being right on the strip we could walk to anything. Our 3rd night we stayed at the Rio Hotel/Casino. Our room was large but the bed was hard and everything was out dated. The best part of the Rio was its large pool area, they had a beach pool with a sandy beach and tons of private hot-tubes.

 The highlight of our trip was seeing the Blue Man group. Our seats were in the splash zone so that is why we are wearing ponchos. We loved the show, super fun and entertaining. We had a blast.

3 strikes and I'm out

Just finished my 3rd cycle and of course my pregnancy test came back negative.  There is about $4,000 dollars down the drain and still I have no definitive  answers. This is really emotionally crippling.  They said that most of there patients conceive by the third. This just worsens my odds  and proves how broken and infertile I am. I am thinking the next step is In Vitro,  that is over $12,000 dollars we don't have.
To make matters harder on me they are sending Brysyn home in July.   When will my trials stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Bring on the Next cycle

So, I just finished with my first cycle of fertility treatment today. I went in and had a pregnancy blood test to see if the treatment was successful. I had to wait for 3 hour to get the result. I already suspected that the test would be negative because I was getting my unmistakable pre-period signs and I was having uterus pain.While I was waiting to be checked out of the Fertility Center I  over heard a nurse calling a woman to share the great news that she was pregnant. Oh how my heart longed to be on the other side of that call. But I got the sorry it didn't take and when you start your period we need you back here to start another treatment, which we will charge you an arm and a leg for. I just really hope that this next go around will  work or give me more definitive answers.

New out look

So my last post was very dismal. The next day when I was at the Costco Pharmacy to pick up the expensive drastic drug Lupron, they informed me it would be more then I expected. While I was waiting for them to double check, the Pharmacy assistant talked to me about her issues with endo, she recommended a really great fertility doctor who would give me a sound second opinion. Needless to say I didn't get the drug. But I did go to that fertility doctor this last Tuesday. He said that Lupron is not necessary right now. He has kind of a shotgun approach to infertility, he uses the medical infertility techniques at each of stage of your cycle, to rule out what might be causing the infertility. I just started the first stage with a high dosage of Clomid for the first five days of my cycle. Then I have to give myself a shot of a drug called Bravelle for three days.  On the ninth day of my cycle I have an ultrasound to make sure I am ready for ovulation. Then I take ovulation predictor tests everyday to see when I ovulated. The day I ovulate we do an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) which means they shot Peter's sperm to the exact Fallopian tube where my egg will be traveling. After the IUI then I do a vaginal Progesterone suppository everyday it insure my uterine lining is nice and thick. After 3 months of this Protocol I will have a clearer understanding of what is not functioning in my cycle.